Waiting on You, Bub

I need to start watching soap operas.

No, seriously. I think I do. I mean, this whole Brett Favre saga is captivating, juicy, Shakespearean, over-hyped, and, most importantly, never-ending. Sound familiar?

Think about it. We begin with the couple everyone rooted for. The match made in heaven. An old fashioned American guy on an old fashioned American team. But ratings winning was down. The producers management wanted to move in a new direction with a younger and more facially equipped love interest lead. Heart break followed, coupled with a tearful goodbye. Everything was going according to the laws of nature: out with the old, in with the new.

One tiny problem. The former star didn't want to quit. Solution? Kill him off (Even Jets fans have to agree with that metaphor pre-Rex)

But wait! One year later, the star returns. But this time with his former pair's rival soap opera mortal enemy. And what does he do? He slaughters them in ratings wins! He beats the show team who threw him in the street, even beats them twice. Ultimately, however, he fails when it matters most, and it appears his former companion gets the last laugh. His move? Reclusion... again...

And that's about where we're at right now. Recently, the Vikings sent their best man to tackle the retirement conundrum. The fans joined in on the effort too, but to no avail. The star still remains "undecided" as the season draws closer.

Time out! Even though that last paragraph lacked soap opera metaphors, does that make it legit? I say nay nay! I still see this as an act, and a poor one at that. Look, I understand. Skipping camp is looked down upon in the NFL. It's miserable for all the players, and a team bonds through the experience. Brett missing out is a slap in the face. It's pulling rank. It's bad manners from someone who is supposed to be the leader.

But cmon. So what if instead of bonding with his "for hire" team, he bonds with his grandkid (Yep, in April, Brett became the first grandfather on an active NFL roster. Mighta been two if somebody could "close"). Do you really think a 40 year old is out to slap anyone in the face? And manners? I'm pretty sure Brett was on an active roster when they were still coming out with "How to be a Gentleman" books on printing presses.

Missing camp in your case is really not a big deal. You've been playing in the NFL for almost as many years as some players have been alive! You're turning gray, for Petes' sake! Who cares if you need a little extra R & R?

Yes, Adrian Peterson went a little AWOL with Adrian Peterson Day, causing him to miss minicamp. And yes, some people, ahem, pointed fingers at you. But you keeping this charade going because you are "undecided" doesn't make you a good role model or give Childress an out. It really only pisses people off.

So give us a break and tell us you're coming back but that you just need time. It's the mature thing to do. We'll give you a break too and accept it. I suggest an early investment in a cardboard and artificial arms.

Just make sure they're both capable of standing helicopter force winds.